Queen of the Thunder
by PurpleVNeck
Summary: The Clans struggle to unite in the face of multiple tragedies, but time is quickly running out. Meanwhile, Sootclaw and Dawnpaw must find a way to defeat the Dark Forest and end the cycle for good.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This is the third book in my series, following _Pawn of the Stars_ and _Knight of the Shadows_. I'd recommend reading those first! If you're a longtime reader, then welcome back :)

I know it's been a long time since I've updated and I don't really have an excuse except that I'm the worst, but it's here now. I've had the first four chapters written for some time (almost two years?) so the writing will hopefully pick up in the chapters after those. I've have about a third of the story written so at least that much will be up in the next few weeks. I don't want to put a deadline on the rest since we all know how terrible I am with those.

So yeah, if you want to find out what happens to Dawnpaw and Sootclaw (and all of our other favs!) then read on!

 **PROLOGUE**

It took a while for his eyes to open and make sense of the world around him, so much darker and and colder than the one he had known before. The trees rose up like pillars around him, supporting the stormy grey sky, and the ground was cool and hard underneath his aching body. At first his muscles didn't want to move, and then they remembered what pain was, and for a few moments he was in complete agony, ripped apart by the harshness of his torment. His mouth opened in a silent scream, his body convulsing, and then it was over and he lay on the ground, panting.

And then he remembered his name:

Russet. Russet _heart_.

A warrior and it didn't even matter. He could vaguely remember watching as Baron died and the blood spilled from his throat. He hadn't been the one to kill Baron, but he had helped. He had laughed as Baron stilled, not knowing what would happen to him, delirium clouding his thoughts. But when Toadstar had whispered those words of power, granting him a new name... he had thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , he might wake up in StarClan.

But he had found himself descending through the sky toward the cracked stone below, Dawnpaw passing him, her eyes filled with sadness... and then everything was darkness.

The Dark Forest.

And now he was awake.

He rolled over into his side, groaning, his body resisting the movement. His bones ached, but at least the searing pain was over. His mouth felt like he had just eaten dirt, his head pounding and tense. Russetheart looked around, but his vision was still a little blurry. He did manage to catch the scent of another cat, close-by. "I take it this isn't StarClan," he mewed, trying to make a joke but failing utterly.

"No," said a sharp voice, and a large tom stepped into view. His fur was brown and mangled, his tail mutilated into layers of strips, and he stared down at Russetheart with rough pity. "But we can get you there."

"What?" asked the ginger tom, his heart skipping a beat. To be in StarClan... to be able to look down over his Clanmates – because he was a warrior of RiverClan now; even dead, he would carry it with him – or to welcome them to StarClan in their turn. Being in StarClan meant seeing Lilystream again one day, no matter how long he had to wait, and they would see each other as equals, preparing to spent an eternity together. "Can you really...?"

He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up, but they already were.

The tom nodded. "I'm Shredtail," he mewed, introducing himself. "Apparently the resident babysitter for cats getting lost down here," he added, his voice cynical. "But I promised Dawnpaw I would help you, so get up, we don't have time to waste."

"Help... me," repeated Russetheart. The thought of being helped, well, it was a foreign concept to him. He had grown up with the expectation of being tough, and once he had figured himself out, he had wanted to help others. But no one, no one had ever stopped to help him.

"Do I have to repeat myself?" snapped Shredtail, lashing his mangled tail. "I'm not in a good mood, Russetheart. I lost a very good friend today; he died to save Dawnpaw, who I will also probably never see again. So you're going to follow me, and we're going to get you to StarClan no matter what it takes."

Russetheart rose shakily to his paws, feeling like his whole body was going to give out beneath him. Part of him burned with the desire to start moving _now_ , to make it there as fast as possible, but there was another part of him that felt weak and scared. He wanted to lie down, to cry, to give up. _I tried to hard,_ he thought. _All I've ever wanted... I was so close, and now I'm so far away._

Shredtail let out a huge sigh. The exasperation was clear on his face, but his eyes showed a rough, raw pain that Russetheart wasn't expecting. Russetheart hadn't been the only one to lose something; they had all suffered, and not everyone was lucky enough to get a second chance.

This was his.

"Okay," he said, unsteady at first, but growing more confident. He could do this. He was Russet _heart_ , after all, and he was a warrior. It was his duty to fight against the Dark Forest and to serve his Clan, even if the only way he could do that was to look down on them from the stars. "I'm ready."

"Good," said Shredtail with a nod. "Then we'll begin."

 **x x x**

Far above the Dark Forest, a young tom sat in a clearing, cast in the glittering light of the stars. His fur shone like Silverpelt, his chin lifted nobly into the air. Despite his small frame, there was an air of authority to him, a strength to his slenderness. He was alone, as he often was now, choosing to spend his time by himself, breathing in the cool air to refresh his tired lungs. Being in StarClan was supposed being free of pain, but there was an ache in him, a sense that he didn't belong, no matter how hard he tried. He was tired, and the stronger the Dark Forest grew, the worse he became.

Blossompaw found him, as she always did, slipping through the trees and into the clearing. Her eyes were soft and sympathetic, the terrible scar down her throat, which was always one of the first things he saw, glistening in the moonlight. The calico she-cat always knew where he was, and she sat down beside him silently, waiting for him to speak.

Branchpaw let out a sigh. There was a dull ringing in his head, at the back of his brain, that had been present every since Dawnpaw's abduction. Now, after the events of her ascension back to the Clans, it was even worse. It wasn't going away. He should have known that this couldn't last forever.

"I'm glad to see you," he told Blossompaw quietly.

She offered him a sad smile. "If you want to see me, you can just come find me, not wonder off on your own all the time."

Branchpaw chuckled bleakly. "I just... I don't feel right, being here anymore. And seeing Dawnpaw just made it worse... I was so close to her, so close to being a family again, and now I don't know that'll ever happen."

"What do you mean?" asked Blossompaw in concern. "Dawnpaw's not going to forget you. It may be a long time, but... you'll be with her again, when she joins StarClan."

He shook his head. "I don't know if I'll last this long."

Blossompaw frowned. "What's wrong?"

Letting out a sigh, Branchpaw bowed his head. He didn't want to believe this was true, not after Dawnpaw had done such a terrible thing in order to allow him access to StarClan. "I know that dying and coming to StarClan was supposed to save me, but... I'm not my own cat, Blossompaw. I'm still just that part of Branchclaw's subconscious. Sure, his evil is gone, but that means I'm not whole. What if coming to StarClan was just a temporary measure? What if... if I can't exist anymore?"

"Don't talk like that," Blossompaw urged him, pressing against him. "Branchpaw, I..."

He pressed his tail against her flank. Blossompaw had become his closest friend, and it was killing him to see her so hurt and confused. But before he could come up with something to say that would hopefully make her feel better, they were interrupted by a group of other cats coming into the clearing.

They were led by Dovewing, though she seemed frail, barely a shadow of her former self. She was still in the legends of the Clans, but they were getting close to forgetting her, and Branchpaw saw the pain on her face. She and Brambleclaw were among the last left of that time, the last remembered. What was it like, to exist so long that all of your loved ones joined you in StarClan, and perhaps even faded away before you did?

Did he want that, or did he want to go out in glory?

His eyes flickered to Blossompaw for a moment and then back to Dovewing. The old she-cat greeted him with a nod. "We need you, Branchpaw."

That caught his attention. He noticed that Brindlefeather was in the group of cats, watching him quietly, and he immediately felt guilt overtake him. They had never talked about what he had done to her, how he had ended her life so early, so terribly, after she had shown him nothing but support.

"What is it?"

Dovewing hesitated a moment. "We need you to talk to Kitetail. You are technically his predecessor, and you must deliver this message to him."

Branchpaw narrowed his eyes. "The Clans don't know the truth about me, Dovewing. They think... they think I just went crazy."

She nodded. "But they have to know the truth. They have to understand the power of the Dark Forest. And you need to tell him, tell him that we can give the Clans two moons, but that is all time we have provide. They need to prepare, to stand together, because Thistleclaw and his warriors will be ready."

Branchpaw nodded. "You really think that the Clans can defeat him?"

"We always have before," mewed Dovewing, perhaps a little too sharply.

"And then what?" he asked, because it seemed like a logical question. "They never stop, you know that. We'll just be buying more time."

Dovewing nodded. "As long as StarClan has power, so will the Dark Forest. It is a burden we must bear. But the Clans have always survived before."

It didn't seem right, but he didn't argue. "Alright," mewed Branchpaw quietly. "I'll tell him. Tonight."

There was a silence and then they moved on, except for Brindlefeather. She stayed behind, looking exactly as he remembered her, digging his claws and teeth into her soft flesh. The thought sent a shiver of disgust through him. The things he was capable of...

And then Brindlefeather left too and Branchpaw and Blossompaw were alone once more. Branchpaw let out a breath, wanting to curl up and hide somewhere. His words from earlier were rattling around in his head: _I'm not whole. What if I can't exist?_

"I'm just a fragment," he told Blossompaw quietly. "I'm not real."

She pressed her muzzle into his cheek, drawing her tongue gently across it. Blossompaw had always been there for him – she had saved him from the darkness, had brought him to StarClan, been his guide and his friend, and yet... Branchpaw couldn't reciprocate her feelings. Not knowing he was, what he had done.

She deserved more than a tattered piece of her murderer's soul.

"You're real to me," Blossompaw mewed quietly.

It wasn't enough. Branchpaw's legs trembled. Something had to be done.

 **X**

 **A/N:** A quick prologue (as usual) to set the stage for what's to come. We won't actually be having Russet or Branch POVs in the story but this is meant as foreshadowing. Not too much more to say - I'll post the allegiances, and then tomorrow I'll put in the first real chapter, which is Sootclaw reacting to the plane crash.

As always, thanks for reading and please review!

\- PV :)


	2. Allegiances

_One moment he was digging into a piece of trout, and the next moment he heard a deafening noise like the sky itself was falling down. Looking up, he saw the flashing silver belly of the beast careening toward him. High-pitched screams echoed in his ears. He was frozen to the spot, and when he looked around, his eyes met Fogpaw's._

 _Help, he thought, willing his voice to turn to words. Help me._

 _But he didn't say it and Fogpaw was running toward the nursery and the beast came down._

 **ALLEGIANCES**

 **.**

 **ThunderClan**

Leader: Slatestar – dark grey tabby tom with yellow eyes and a white underbelly

Deputy: Larchstripe – long-haired silver tabby she-cat  
 _Apprentice: Galepaw_

Medicine Cat: Kitetail – dark brown tabby tom

Warriors:

Beechclaw – lean light brown tabby tom

Thickfur – broad-shouldered grey tabby tom  
 _Apprentice: Dawnpaw_

Owlfeather – scrawny pale tom, tinged brown  
 _Apprentice: Mousepaw_

Alderthorn – slender brown tabby tom

Apprentices:

Dawnpaw – pale ginger she-cat

Galepaw – long-haired white tom

Mousepaw – small brown and white she-cat

Queens:

Grasscloud – slim tortoiseshell she-cat  
 _Mate: Slatestar_

Auburnfur – reddish-brown she-cat with green eyes  
 _Mate: Beechclaw  
Kits: Mothkit, Breezekit_

Cherrytail – ginger and white she-cat, green eyes  
 _Kits: Limekit_

Elders:

Larkflight – white she-cat with grey spotting

Foxwhisker – once-handsome ginger tom

 **.**

 **WindClan**

Leader: Willowstar – soft grey she-cat

Deputy: Swiftfang – large black tom with a white underbelly

Medicine Cat: Stormtail – dark grey tom with a long tail

Warriors:

Frostpool – beautiful white she-cat

Gorsetooth – light brown tom  
 _Apprentice: Tansypaw_

Rootfur – dark brown tabby tom with white paws

Cloudstorm – slim white tom, yellow eyes

Apprentices:

Tansypaw – small ginger and white she-cat

Queens:

Cedarpelt – thick-furred reddish-brown she-cat, green eyes  
 _Mate: Gorsetooth  
Kits: Rabbitkit, Wrenkit, Shortkit (Mintpool's)_

Elders:

Mottledfur – brown tom with darker spots

Icetail – elderly white she-cat

.

 **RiverClan**

Leader: Toadstar – black tom with a brown underbelly and green eyes

Deputy: Reedthroat – handsome pale tabby tom

Medicine Cat: None

Warriors:

Whitestream – slender white she-cat

Troutleap – silver tabby she-cat

Oaktail – dark brown tabby tom

Apprentices:

None

Queens:

None

Elders:

None

.

 **ShadowClan**

Leader: Eaglestar – golden-brown tom with a tabby mask

Deputy:Redfur – white she-cat with ginger patches  
 _Apprentice: Tanpaw  
_

Medicine Cat: Birchcloud – light grey tom with darker flecks

Warriors:

Greywing – skinny grey tom  
 _Apprentice: Nightpaw  
_  
Sootclaw – dark grey, almost black, tom  
 _Apprentice: Pigeonpaw  
_  
Flowerpelt – tortoiseshell she-cat

Berryfang – huge golden tabby tom

Apprentices:

Tanpaw – large tan tom

Pigeonpaw – spiky-furred grey and white tom

Nightpaw – black she-cat with amber eyes

Queens:

Sprucetail – dark brown she-cat  
 _Mate: Greywing  
Kits: Streakkit, Fennelkit, Hailkit (Redfur's)_

Elders:

None

.

 **The Tribe of Rushing Water**

Healer: Stoneteller - frail grey tom with milky eyes.

Preycatchers:

Moon that Eclipses the Sun - dark blue-grey she-cat with yellow eyes.

Squall that Darkens the Sky - handsome grey-and-white tom, amber eyes.

Leaf which Floats on the Breeze - skinny brown tabby tom, green eyes.

Robin that Sings at Dawn - calico she-cat, green eyes.

Caveguards:

Blaze - broad-shouldered ginger tabby, amber eyes.

Cliff where Flowing Water Falls - large dark brown tabby, green eyes.

Peak where Large Hawk Circles - large silver she-cat, blue eyes.

Elmheart - handsome golden-brown tabby tom.

To-bes:

Beetle that Scuttles Quickly - brown-and-white she-cat.

Rock that Hangs From Roof - light grey tabby tom.

Kit-mothers:

Chantelle - black she-cat.  
 _Mate: Elmheart_

Cloud that Brings Snow - long-haired white she-cat.  
 _Mate: Cliff_

 **X**

 **A/N:** Quick allegiances! This story starts exactly as KotS leaves off, so nothing has really changed since the end, except (of course) the decimation of RiverClan. Don't worry, there were other survivors... maybe. Also including the Tribe because we're gonna go there this book! I'll let you guess who the POV snippet at the beginning was.

Thanks for reading and please review!

\- PV :)


	3. Chapter One

**CHAPTER ONE**

There were no words to describe the scene in front of him. A melding of colours, sounds, sights... fire and ice and noise and pain. Destruction had erupted across RiverClan territory, flames sweeping across the lowland territory, their flickering red and orange tongues reflected by the ice on the lake. Sootclaw felt his blood pumping in his ears, felt a drumming on his ribs, felt an emptiness in his core. The Twoleg beast had crashed right in camp and now their territory was engulfed in chaos – there was no way RiverClan was unharmed. Sootclaw could only hope that some of them had made it out alive.

Lilystream.

His kits.

The last time he had spoken to Lilystream, she had berated him for his selfishness, asking him if he truly loved her... and Sootclaw had been unable to answer, too pre-occupied with his own feelings, with trying to figure out who he was and what he had to do. WindClan had been a huge threat at the time, but that was no excuse. He had let her down and she had swept away and now –

Now he wasn't sure if he would ever get a chance to apologize. Because he did love her, truly loved in in his own way, and had just been bad at showing it. But after the battle, after he had fulfilled his duty to ShadowClan and to Dawnpaw by defeating the darkness, he had been preparing to talk to Toadstar. He was going to tell him the truth, and to ask to join RiverClan.

That had been swept away from him now, scattered like ashes.

There had been no need for words. The Twoleg beast had made a terrible noise as it fell, and they had all rushed out to see the aftermath, not expecting it to crash into RiverClan territory. Sootclaw vaguely remembered hurtling his way through the pines, tripping over roots, desperately trying to make it to the lake. He had been among the first to go, surrounded by cats from the RiverClan patrol. The rest of ShadowClan had followed silently and slowly, knowing it was not their place to impose themselves on RiverClan's grief.

The air was cold, but Sootclaw barely felt it as he stared out in shock and horror. Beside him, Toadstar was watching the scene, a stricken expression on his face. The black and brown tom was trying his best to stay strong, but Sootclaw could see the cracks in his facade. He had just possibly lost his daughter and grand-kits, and Sootclaw knew what he was probably thinking, because he was thinking the same thing: _It should have been me_.

Troutleap was on the other side of Sootclaw, pain written across her face. Beside her stood Reedthroat. While the other RiverClan cats were silent, Reedthroat was unable to control his anguish. He cried out, the most painful sound Sootclaw had ever heard, his wails echoing over the still air. Then he turned and buried his face in Troutleap's shoulder. "I just got her back," he said quietly. "I _just_ got her back. And Morningstep and Rainpaw..."

Eaglestar appeared, quietly weaving through the RiverClan patrol in order to reach Sootclaw. He placed his tail on the grey tom's flank. "You should give them space," he mewed. "To grieve."

But Sootclaw was grieving too. His mate and kits had been there, the things that meant the most to him in the entire world, the cats he would do anything to protect. He had been so close to finally joining them, and now the thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. He wanted to shout and yell, to tell Eaglestar that he was mourning, but the words wouldn't quite come out. The ShadowClan warrior found he wasn't ready to admit the truth, and he didn't want to turn this tragedy into something all about him. So he stepped back, bowing his head, moving away from the lakeshore.

Dawnpaw was in his head, flitting at the sides of his mind, desperate to get in. Sootclaw had let her take and heal his pain before, but not this time. It was his to bear, and he kept her at a distance, not ready to talk about his feelings. He had forgotten what words were. How they felt on his tongue, how they sounded in the air, how they whispered in his mind.

The snow crunched under his paws as he moved away. It was thinner now, heralding the end of leafbare, but this was no time to celebrate. Sootclaw felt weighed down and he settled himself beside Flowerpelt, who was staring out with the same horror on her face. The she-cat looked so frail, and she leaned against him, trembling.

He thought about what Dawnpaw had said, about the Clans needing to stand together to defeat the Dark Forest. Now, it seemed, they were down a Clan. The resounding pain inside him was too much, and he knew it would soon fade to emptiness. It wasn't exactly the ideal state to fight in. In short, Sootclaw felt defeated

The wind carried over the scent of ThunderClan, causing him to look up. A ThunderClan patrol, led by Slatestar, was making its way down the hill toward them. They were crossing the border into ShadowClan territory, but no one seemed to care. Eaglestar rose to meet them, and soon Toadstar detached himself from the patrol in order to talk to Slatestar as well. The three leaders moved off into their own space, followed by Redfur and Larchstripe. Reedthroat, however, was still frozen on the shore.

The rest of the ThunderClan patrol came over to mingle with the ShadowClan cats. Kitetail was there, rushing toward his brother eagerly, worry written on his face. The medicine cat had been awkward around him recently, though why Sootclaw wasn't sure, but right now all of that distance was gone. Kitetail pressed himself against the ShadowClan warrior, burrowing his muzzle into Sootclaw's neck.

Then he pulled back. "I thought everything would be over after Alderthorn killed Baron," he mewed quietly, which piqued Sootclaw's interest. Alder _thorn_? But there was no time to ask, as Kitetail continued: "It must be a sign, an omen. StarClan is unhappy."

Sootclaw shook his head, exhaust and defeat wearing through him. "Maybe sometimes bad things just... happen," he mewed. "There's nothing we can do."

Kitetail didn't accept that reasoning, pulling away. "But StarClan would protect us. There has to be something..."

At that point the brown tabby noticed Flowerpelt, and tried to force a smile as he greeted her. The pain in Kitetail's eyes was clear. Sootclaw wondered how much his brother missed ShadowClan, but as Alderthorn came padding down the hill to greet them, he saw Kitetail's eyes light up and felt a pang of sadness. Sootclaw had always figured Kitetail would always call ShadowClan home, somewhere in his heart, and the idea that the medicine cat had found a new one... it hurt more than he wanted to admit.

Beck and Beechclaw were on the patrol, though they hung near the back. Beck looked more anxious than Sootclaw remembered seeing him, continually casting glances at Eaglestar and waiting for the leader's meeting to finish.

And then, coming down the hill far behind everyone else, were Dawnpaw and Thickfur. The grey tabby warrior was supporting Dawnpaw, whose frail state nearly made Sootclaw cry out. She looked tiny, shrivelled and withered, but strength was emblazoned on her face and her amber eyes stared straight ahead.

He couldn't help himself, and he didn't care. Sootclaw bounded forward to greet them, coming up on Dawnpaw's other side to support her. She leaned against him with a sigh, her eyes closed, a purr rumbling through her. He remembered the first time he had seen her – it felt like he had been hit by the fox all over again, the strength of their link taking his breath away. Now, he could handle his emotions, but there was no doubt that his mood picked up with her presence.

"I'm so glad you're alright," he told her. He had already said it telepathically, but it felt real when he said it out loud. Talking to her in person was such a rare occasion and he savoured every word.

Dawnpaw shook her head. "I'm glad _you're_ alright," she mewed, a sadness in her voice that she didn't understand. Then she sighed. "Sootclaw, when the plane went down, you thought – "

He knew what she was going to say, because he remembered it perfectly. _Thornkit. Icekit. Cricketkit._ A pause. _Lilystream_.

"Can we have a moment alone?" he asked Thickfur. The broad-shouldered warrior hesitated a moment before moving away. He looked smaller now, standing on his own, lost in this sea of sadness.

Now it was just him and Dawnpaw. Together again, together at last.

And he was about to tell her he had been lying to her.

"Yes," Sootclaw said, before she could say anything. "I should have told you, I didn't know how, but yes. Those... those are my kits. Mine and Lilystream's." The words tumbled out of him and he was left to stare at Dawnpaw, who was still leaning on his shoulder. The niceness of having her here was now overshadowed by his dread at how she would react.

Dawnpaw had known about him and Lilystream; she had somehow found her way into one his memories, and an awkward conversation had ensued. Sootclaw had felt terrible at the time, knowing he shouldn't have hid something so important from her, and yet he had just wanted his privacy. But Lilystream's pregnancy, he had kept hidden.

A cross-Clan romance was one thing, and it was a bad enough, but cross-Clan kits was something else entirely. They would grow up never knowing their real father, and if anyone found out, they would bear that stigma on them for the rest of their lives. Dawnpaw was still silent, so Sootclaw let out a sigh and kept talking. "I was going to go to RiverClan," he admitted. "After this battle. To be with her, with _them_. I wanted to be their father, to feel like I was part of their life."

"Can I see them?" whispered Dawnpaw, voice dry.

Sootclaw nodded and gently pressed against her mind, taking the images of them he stored in his brain and heart, and passing them through to her. There was Thornkit, small and fiery, Cricketkit, polite and wide-eyed, and Icekit, strong and rough.

"They're beautiful," she said, and Sootclaw knew that she had not just seen the images, but felt his emotions as well, his love and sadness, his desire to take care of them. If they were still out there somewhere, he would find them. Finally, Dawnpaw opened her eyes. "It's alright, Sootclaw. I understand why you didn't tell me."

But that wasn't good enough for him. "Dawnpaw, I never want to hide anything from you again," he insisted. "It's you and me now."

The ginger she-cat chuckled. "Sootclaw, if we're being honest... there's something I want you to know too. When you first told me about Lilystream, I... I was _jealous_. That's why I was so short-tempered."

He was floored. Dawnpaw was _jealous_? They were friends, great friends – she had saved him, and he would always depend on her – but he had never thought of her in that way. His mind and body had been too obsessed with Lilystream. Oh, he had loved Dawnpaw, but not like that. "I do love you Dawnpaw," he mewed. "But not – not in that way – not _romantically_."

Sootclaw had never considered the possibility that Dawnpaw was in love with him. Oh sure, he had spent his early apprentice days convinced that _everyone_ was in love with them, but that had quickly faded when he realized he had to prove himself to earn respect. Besides, he had been cruel to Dawnpaw in the past, and preoccupied with his own issues. What reason would she have to love him?

"I know, I know," said Dawnpaw softly. "That's why I said I _was_ jealous. I'm not anymore. I did a lot of growing up in the Dark Forest. I thought my role as the emotional support, the believer in love... I thought it meant I was supposed to be passive, to help you be strong. But I learned that it makes me strong as well, and I've grown out of my crush. I love you too, Sootclaw, but you're right. Not like that."

She met his eyes, and he saw the strength and honesty there, and wondered how Dawnpaw had become so brave while he had just crawled inside himself. All Sootclaw had wanted to do was be selfless, to sacrifice himself, but it had been Russet who ended up dying, and RiverClan who ended up destroyed. Sootclaw was safe and alive.

And he considered himself cowardly for it.

"Thank you for telling me," said Sootclaw quietly.

Dawnpaw leaned forward and licked his cheek before grinning wryly. "Like you said, it's you and me."

Talking to Dawnpaw was nice. Sootclaw felt better for having seen her. It was a slight distraction from the pain of RiverClan's destruction, helping him ignore the ache for at least a few minutes. But now the leaders were done their conversation and they were returning to address the assembled cats, their faces grave. Sootclaw immediately perked up, and he felt Dawnpaw tense beside him, and he guided her back over the main group of cats, where they then stood on the outskirts.

The leaders all stood together, and Sootclaw was so used to seeing them together in the past couple of days that he nearly forgot they were missing WindClan. Those cats were probably still recovering, however he knew they would be in this situation soon enough too, wanting to know what should be done.

It was Eaglestar who eventually spoke. His voice was shakier than Sootclaw liked hearing it, but he gazed out over the crowd, still commanding his usual authority. "Obviously RiverClan cannot return to their territory, so you are welcome to stay in ShadowClan as long as you need. Toadstar will organize a preliminary patrol to determine the extent of the wreckage and look for survivors. We have also determined that for now, Gatherings will be held on the lakeshore by ThunderClan territory."

"I will organize a patrol to inform WindClan of our decision," added Slatestar gruffly.

Sootclaw perked up even more. A preliminary patrol to go check out RiverClan territory? That was something he needed to be on. He wanted to run up and volunteer himself, but Dawnpaw was still leaning against his side. The she-cat's body was so weak and frail now, and he didn't trust her to walk on her own.

It was for nothing anyway, as Toadstar stepped forward, naming Whitestream and Troutleap to accompany him into RiverClan territory. Sootclaw wondered why Reedthroat and Oaktail weren't going, but as he saw the despondent looks on their faces, he realized: they were too emotional. Their mates and kits had been in RiverClan and were now possibly dead, and Toadstar didn't want their state of mind compromising the patrol.

Toadstar was sad too, but he held himself together well. He had suffered so much loss already, Sootclaw knew. The grey tom wished this had never happened, and that he could have gone to RiverClan to be with his kits. Toadstar understood him, understood his power and StarClan's motives, and accepted him. He let a younger Sootclaw take refuge in RiverClan to escape Falconswoop's power. He was an ally, but right now, the time for Sootclaw to approach him was gone.

Sootclaw hadn't been chosen for the patrol, but he was still desperate to know what was happening in RiverClan territory. He would wait for the patrol, but... if they found _nothing_.

Eaglestar made another announcement, but Sootclaw was hardly listening. The words rang lifelessly into his ears. It was something about Beck, about him becoming a warrior of ShadowClan, a ceremony that would take place later. ShadowClan needed warriors, it was true, but accepting a loner into their midst?

Sootclaw would think about it later. Right now, the Clans were going back to their camps. The fires were beginning to die down across the lake, though the land still looked ravaged. Kitetail returned to support Dawnpaw on the way back, while Thickfur padded at Beechclaw's side. Over by the ShadowClan cats, Alderthorn and Beck were having a quiet moment as they said goodbye. It seemed emotional, and Sootclaw felt guilty for watching. Then Alderthorn hurried to join his new Clan and Sootclaw made his way back over to where Flowerpelt was waiting.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Sootclaw shook his head. "No," he said. Everything had happened so quickly. The battle with WindClan, the darkness, the rogues, Russet's death, and now this. He felt like he had been awake for centuries, and yet he wasn't tired. He was burning with energy, with desperation, and with a little bit of the darkness too. It was locked up in the back of his mind, but he heard it rattling around.

He could never let it out.

Flowerpelt tried to smile but it failed. She pressed her shoulder against his as they walked back to camp, and Sootclaw was grateful for her friendship. He saw Pigeonpaw and Nightpaw watching him, both of them looking worried. Sootclaw knew he must seem exhausted, but he had to be strong.

He couldn't give up hope.

.

Sootclaw was in ShadowClan camp, lying listlessly in the centre, when the RiverClan patrol came back. Toadstar led the way, his face grim. Whitestream and Troutleap trailed behind. The ShadowClan warrior saw Reedthroat and Oaktail leap up, and resisted the urge to do so himself. He was hoping for good news, for them to say that they had found survivors and brought them back, but no one else followed them into camp, and their expressions were discouraging.

And that was everything that Sootclaw needed to know

Reedthroat padded over to Toadstar and whispered something. The RiverClan leader just shook his head. Eaglestar was walking toward them too now, his face sad. He dipped his head and silence seemed to overtake them all.

No survivors.

"We weren't able to get that close," said Toadstar quietly. "There's a lot of wreckage; the beast broke as it landed. A couple of fires are still raging, and Twolegs are starting to come onto the scene. It wasn't safe to get close, but we didn't see anything from where we were... and the camp was completely covered."

"So you don't know for sure whether or not they survived," mewed Reedthroat insistently, and Sootclaw felt the same way. They hadn't found survivors, but they hadn't found bodies either. Lilystream and his kits could still be out there, alone, needing him... Oh, Sootclaw loved her so much, and his heart was shattered into a million pieces. All he wanted to do was be selfless but it seemed like bad things only happened to those that trusted him.

He had to go check it out for himself. One cat could get closer than three. Sootclaw had to know for sure. The grey tom didn't care if there was fire or Twolegs; he wasn't thinking straight. The second the patrol had moved further into camp, discussing sleeping and patrolling arrangements with Eaglestar, Sootclaw headed straight for the camp entrance. When he was sure that no one was watching, he quickly darted out, adrenaline pumping through him.

The day was warm and the snow soft underneath his paws, the wind mild and the sun shining down, but he couldn't feel any of it, could only feel the blood in his ears and the pounding of his heart. The smell of pine and peat, which should have comforted him, only served to make him feel worse. He wanted to smell fish, reeds, marsh. He wanted RiverClan.

He wanted Lilystream.

He ran out of ShadowClan territory faster than he thought possible, barely noticing the land passing around beside him. Sootclaw had never been this scared and worried in his life. He had felt numb earlier, unable to process the scene in front of him, but now it was all starting to hit him, blow after blow after blow, straight to his heart. He wanted to yell and scream and cry.

It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair.

Why was he still alive? Why hadn't the darkness killed him? Why hadn't the Twoleg beast crashed into ShadowClan territory instead? Why had Dawnpaw been brought to the Dark Forest and forced to go through so much and Sootclaw so little? His heart was breaking over the loss of Lilystream, over Russet's sacrifice, but he couldn't complain because he was still _alive_ and they were not.

When he reached the Thunderpath that showed the border between ShadowClan and RiverClan, he didn't even bother stopping, he just pelted straight across. Afterwards he realized that he had just run by a whole line of Twoleg beasts, idling on the side of the sticky metal path. They didn't seem to notice him. Sootclaw wondered if they were watching the scene just as he was.

And then he was on RiverClan territory and there were Twolegs everywhere, and he hid in a patch of bracken, trying to figure out where to go next. The fires seemed to be out, but in front of him was a silver sheet of the beast's skin. It lay there, exposed, making Sootclaw feel uncomfortable. Why had the beast crashed? Did the Dark Forest have something to do with it?

He ran forward to the next patch of bracken. No Twolegs had noticed him. Sootclaw was going to try and make his way to camp. He could do this. He would either find their bodies or find them alive and know for sure. Sootclaw had to know if Lilystream was alive, or had to see her body one last time, had to bury his face in her fur and say _I'm sorry_. Part of him wished that he had died in the battle with WindClan or the rogues, died so he could be in StarClan with her sooner.

He was getting closer to now, when all of a sudden a Twoleg foot crashed down in the grass beside him. Startled, Sootclaw darted out, trying to head for a patch of reeds beside a small stream. One of the Twolegs let out a low-pitched yell and started moving toward him. Fear accelerated in his chest. He couldn't be caught here.

He burst through the reeds and darted away from the Twolegs, now on a full-out sprint toward RiverClan camp. There was a lot more wreckage in front of him, towering threateningly over the ground, the shadows swaying. The vegetation here was burned into ash or significantly charred. Black flecks fell through the air like snow, landing on his fur and under his paws and nails. The smell was terrible, acrid and burning.

But he had to keep going.

Sootclaw ran underneath an overhanging piece of the beast, which resembled part of its wing. There was a creaking noise and a rush of air as it broke off and started to fall. The grey warrior looked up, frozen, his eyes widening. Was this it? Was this how it ended? So quick, so soon? He closed his eyes. Nothing matter anymore except being with Lilystream and his kits again.

Then there was an impact to his side and he found himself pushed away, knocked to the ground by a heavy weight. When Sootclaw opened his eyes, he saw Pigeonpaw standing over him, an indignant look on his face.

"Are you mouse-brained?" asked Pigeonpaw, stepping back. Behind him, the limb of the beast had landed into the ground, completely crushing everything below.

Pigeonpaw was joined by another familiar figure, Flowerpelt. There was an angry expression on her usually kind and soft face, madder than Sootclaw had ever seen her before. She looked like she was worried and disappointed at the same time, and Sootclaw immediately felt bad.

If he had died, they would have had to take his body back as well.

"We need you," said Flowerpelt, through gritted teeth. "Sootclaw, we need you. Your power saved us, and if the Dark Forest is coming, like ThunderClan says, then you can't just throw your life away."

Guilt flooded through him. "Sorry," he mumbled, feeling ashamed. "You followed me out here?"

Flowerpelt nodded, as did Pigeonpaw. "You still have to finish my training," he reminded Sootclaw with a pointed look.

"We saw you going out here. We weren't sure why you were so crazy as to try and reach RiverClan camp, but we couldn't let you get hurt," mewed Flowerpelt.

Sootclaw didn't deserve them. Flowerpelt had always been kind to him, and Pigeonpaw was starting to look at him with a new respect, but Sootclaw just... he just didn't deserve it.

"I am sorry," he told them honestly. "I was stupid."

Pigeonpaw snorted. "Why _did_ you come out here anyway?"

"Let's go back to camp," Sootclaw told him, before directing his next words at his apprentice. "I'll... I'll tell everyone. When we get back." He knew he couldn't keep this a secret anymore. Times were changing. Most of RiverClan was gone. Old rules didn't matter anymore. Beating the Dark Forest was the top priority.

Flowerpelt pressed against his side. "You're an idiot," she told him, the slight chuckle in her voice showing that she had at least started to forgive him. "But you're my friend and I'll stand by you. Just don't do anything dumb like this again."

Sootclaw laughed wearily. "I'll try," he said, because he just couldn't promise it.

.

When they reached the border, Toadstar and Eaglestar were there, furious expressions on their faces. Eaglestar looked tense, his eyes cold. The two leaders waited in silence as Sootclaw approached. Dread filled his stomach and chest. He had made a mistake and now, well, now he was going to get in trouble. But he kept his chin up, because he wasn't going to lie anymore.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" asked Eaglestar tightly. "You could have been injured or captured by Twolegs, and we can't lose another warrior, let alone you, at a time like this. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"I know, Eaglestar," was all Sootclaw could say.

"Why did you go?" asked Toadstar. "Why were you so desperate to check it our yourself?"

Sootclaw couldn't hesitate now. He just had to be honest and lay his cards on the table. Lilystream was dead and he wouldn't malign her memory by pretending he didn't care. "I'm sorry, Eaglestar," he began, "but I've broken the warrior code." He took a deep breath and then swung his gaze toward Toadstar. "When I stayed at RiverClan those moons ago, Lilystream, well, Lilypaw then, and I became close. And... we continued to see each other after I returned to ShadowClan."

That was enough information for them to fill in the blanks. He could see the muscles in Toadstar's jaw clenching. The black tom took in a deep breath, but even though Sootclaw was sure that he knew the truth, he waited for the ShadowClan tom to finish. Eaglestar looked more shocked. Pigeonpaw looked disgusted, and Flowerpelt taken aback.

"Lilystream's kits... are _my_ kits," Sootclaw finished, quiet but proud. "I was going to ask your permission to come to RiverClan to be with them, because being a father to them – and a mate to Lilystream – meant the world to me. I loved her, Toadstar, I swear."

Toadstar's eyes were closed and he was silent, milling over Sootclaw's words. When he spoke, his voice was strained and stiff. "You're a good cat, Sootclaw. If you were not from ShadowClan, I don't think I could have wished for a better mate for Lilystream. If you made her happy, then – " He choked and trailed off, clearly filled with emotion. Then he shook his head. "But it's all gone now. We have all lost a lot, we've... and we have to be strong. There's still the Dark Forest to worry about. You can't go running off and risking your life."

"I know," said Sootclaw, relenting. "I wasn't thinking," he admitted.

Eaglestar pressed his tail against Sootclaw's flank. "I know you meant no harm by breaking the code, Sootclaw. You're still a young warrior, after all, and we can save your punishment for a time when our lives are not being threatened. But Toadstar is right, we all havel lost."

Sootclaw stared up at Eaglestar and then over at Pigeonpaw, only at this moment remembering Milkyfur's death. Eaglestar had lost his mate and Pigeonpaw had lost his mother. Toadstar had lost a daughter; Reedthroat had lost a whole family.

He wasn't the only who had suffered. And he had to be strong for ShadowClan. He had to protect them and make sure no one else died.

"Come on," Eaglestar mewed. "Let's go home."

And they did.

 **X**

 **A/N:** Really long chapter! Poor Clans just have bad things happening non-stop. Apologies for any typos. Next chapter will be Dawnpaw and we'll see what she's thinking about this whole thing. Should be up Monday when I get back from the cottage.

 **Golden-tailed Hawk** , thank you for your review, I hope you enjoy reading the first two books!

Thanks for reading and please review!

\- PV :)


	4. Chapter Two

**CHAPTER TWO**

Dawnpaw didn't know what to do. She could still feel the pain running through Sootclaw's mind, a frantic anger as he tore through RiverClan territory, though she only got it in bits and flashes, pieces here and there, and then she felt him admit everything to Toadstar and Eaglestar. She spent the rest of the day curled up in the apprentices den, trying to deal with everything that had changed. When Sootclaw returned to ShadowClan camp, she let out a sigh of relief that his crazed mood was over, and let her thoughts travel to more productive things.

First, being an apprentice again was incredibly weird. Galepaw and Mousepaw shared the den with her, and they stared at her as if she were a ghost, as if they barely recognized her. Dawnpaw had been out for over a moon, but she thought her reception would be joyous, not strange and cold and awkward. Galepaw and Mousepaw had been close friends to her, making up for the loss of Elmheart's companionship and helping her whenever Sootclaw was pre-occupied with Lilystream. They also seemed a lot younger than she remembered them being, probably because Dawnpaw had matured at an extremely quick rate while in the Dark Forest.

She felt like a warrior now, a warrior in a weak body, where everyone underestimated her – everyone but Sootclaw and Thickfur. But Sootclaw was busy with his own problems right now, and Thickfur, as always, managed to remain confusing to her. Dawnpaw had hoped she would understand him better now, but the tom was still a closed book.

Sootclaw and Lilystream had kits together. Once upon a time, that information would have broken Dawnpaw. She had been in love with Sootclaw, and him being a father would have broken the illusion that he was still young, still able to be with her. But somehow her romantic love had faded. What they had was special, and if Sootclaw wanted to love someone else, she could do nothing but support him.

And his kits had been so beautiful. To lose them... she could feel an echo of his pain thudding in her heart, and Dawnpaw could only imagine how terrible and rending the pain actually was in its full strength. She wanted to help Sootclaw, to take his pain, but he was so insistent on being strong. He had grown up too, and though she could tell he considered himself useless, wishing he had died instead of Russet or Lilystream, Dawnpaw thought he was the most brave and selfless cat she knew. He had taught her so much, and now she aspired to be like him: no longer passive and supportive, but strong in her own way.

It was her duty to protect ThunderClan from the Dark Forest and she wouldn't let them down. It felt strange to have her power out in the open, probably one of the reasons Galepaw and Mousepaw were looking at her so strangely. The others were regarding her with suspicion too – she had tried to visit the nursery the other day, and Beechclaw had prevented her from seeing Breezekit and Mothkit. She knew that he was just being an overprotective father, but it still hurt.

Thickfur, though, was just continuing to treat her in his usual way – barked orders and slight crticism. They had spoken frankly to each other at the lake, but since the crash, his mind seemed to have changed. He seemed like he was trying to go back to the way things were, the time when their system worked and they got along, but something felt off about it. They both knew they could never go back to that mentor-apprentice relationship, but what else could they do? They weren't friends.

Dawnpaw was pretty sure that Thickfur didn't have friends.

Occasionally she caught him staring at her with a strange expression on his face, but whenever she tried to call him out about it, he dismissed her question as being ridiculous. Part of her was dying to know how he had felt and acted when she was in a coma – according to Kitetail, Thickfur had been incredibly protective and reluctant to leave her side. It was an image of the tom she couldn't reconcile with her perception, but apparently it had happened.

The ginger she-cat sighed and flopped back in her nest, casting a glance over at Galepaw. "You guys must be almost warriors now, huh?" she asked. Being a warrior... it had once been her dream, but right now it just felt like a constructed milestone that really didn't matter. Her name didn't define her.

Galepaw nodded. "We've just started final assessments now, it shouldn't be longer than a moon, Slatestar said." His voice was hesitant.

Dawnpaw tried to smile. They had become apprentices a moon after her, but it seemed like they would be getting their warrior names at the same time, if not before her. Dawnpaw had missed a lot of training, but she needed to rebuild her atrophied muscles before her training could really resume. It seemed like it would be a long time until she could be a warrior – and it wasn't that she _needed_ to have her warrior name to feel stronger, but that the others would respect her more then. She wanted to prepare for the Dark Forest, to help ThunderClan grow stronger, but she needed the others to listen to her first. "And your training is going well?" she asked. She knew Mousepaw and Owlfeather were close, but she wondered if Larchstripe becoming deputy had impacted Galepaw's training.

The white tom shrugged. "Yeah," he said.

Dawnpaw remembered when they had talked all the time. Now there was nothing. She sighed again and lay back into her nest. This kind of thing made her almost – _almost_ – want to seek out Thickfur. His company might be irritating, but at least he would talk to her and didn't think she was strange. Kitetail was kind to her as well, but he seemed distracted lately, and he also spent a lot of time with Alderthorn. The joke around camp was that Alderthorn was pretty much the new medicine cat apprentice.

But if Kitetail was happy, that was what mattered. The brown tabby deserved all the goodness in the world.

Dawnpaw curled up. Maybe sleep would do her some good. _Night, Sootclaw_ , she thought, reaching out to him for comfort. She had slept too many nights alone in the Dark Forest and she wanted his warmth around her.

 _Good night, Dawnpaw_ , Sootclaw replied, and he purred against her, and for a single moment, they could pretend that everything was alright in the world.

The next morning came later than she was used to. Shredtail had always woken her up at the crack of whatever dawn existed down in the Dark Forest, but here she was given time to rest and recover. Sleep was no longer scarce, but something to be enjoyed. The warmth of her moss nest soaked into her skin and bones and made it hard for her to want to leave. After all she had been through, even this slight comfort was a luxury. And - a thought that really woke her up - the Dark Forest would soon be coming to try and take it all away.

Dawnpaw looked around. Galepaw and Mousepaw had already left for their training, and so it was just her alone in the empty den. Her eyes fell on the space where Elmheart had once slept beside her, their pelts often brushing as their bodies rose and fell in quiet unison. Now he was gone, and while she tried her best to be happy for him, she found she missed his companionship. There was a part of her that was a little insulted, too, that while she had been collapsed into a coma he had been pre-occupied with his new mate. It wasn't just Elmheart, though - the thought of everything living their lives around her, as though she was just in the background, barely an afterthought to the day-to-day activities... well, it stung.

It was only Thickfur, as she had been told by Kitetail, that had refused to give up on her. That had checked on her every day, had refused to let Slatestar give him a new apprentice, had apparently slept by her side during the snowstorm, keeping her safe and warm as the snow piled up around her. The last one made her flush. The thought of Thickfur, so harsh and mean, who had seemed to dislike her for so long, suddenly protecting her... It was like Shredtail had said - he pushed her limits so she would become stronger. She understood that now.

Though there was still much she didn't understand about him.

Dawnpaw stood and exited the den, looking around ThunderClan camp. As she saw the cats moving through, every warrior with his or her own purpose, she felt a rush of warmth. _It's so good to be home_ , she thought to Sootclaw, wondering if he was awake.

 _I'm just glad I still have one_ , he replied, a little darkly. She pressed her mind gently to his and saw images of Baron attacking ShadowClan and of the Twoleg monster crashing into the marshes of RiverClan territory. For a moment, Dawnpaw wondered if she should tell him about Russetheart, that the ginger tom had gone to the Dark Forest. But Sootclaw was already feeling guilty enough, hating himself for surviving while so many others died, and she couldn't compound that.

"Morning, Dawnpaw." Kitetail's voice broke through her thoughts and she turned in time to catch his smile. Though the brown tabby had initially been jealous of Dawnpaw's connection to Sootclaw, their friendship had quickly returned, and she found she was always happy to see him. The medicine cat was a friendly face among a sea of cautious distrust.

"Hi," she greeted back, and was not at all surprised to see that Alderthorn was trailing behind him, a mouse clutched in his jaws. "Did you two go for a hunt?"

"Uh, he did," said Kitetail cheerily, with a flick of his tail. There was a strained quality to his voice, as though he was forcing himself to sound happy, to ignore all of the terrible things going on, to forget that RiverClan was lost and everything was changing in a fast and terrible way. "I collected some herbs. What I could find in the patches of melted snow."

"I'm sure ThunderClan is grateful," she mewed stiltedly, trying to smile, never sure what to say when Alderthorn was there. The former loner intimidated her, his gaze always cautious and his words carefully selected.

"How are you today, Dawnpaw?" Alderthorn asked politely, those cool eyes sweeping over her. He was always so guarded around the rest of the Clan, and she wondered what Kitetail saw in him that was hidden to the rest of them. Whatever the case, he had shown willingness to uphold the warrior code, and Dawnpaw couldn't fault his new name. She had never been against accepting new cats into the Clan, as long as they were willing to dedicate themselves to its safety.

"Been worse," she said with a grimace. Her legs ached, but they were getting stronger every day. "The herbs are helping," Dawnpaw added, with an appreciative nod toward Kitetail.

He smiled again, more honestly this time. "Glad to hear it." Then he paused, and when he next spoke, his words were hesitant and much quieter. "How is Sootclaw, with the situation in ShadowClan?"

Dawnpaw frowned. She doubted Kitetail knew that Sootclaw had a mate and kits in RiverClan, and figured he was simply referring to the now over-crowded ShadowClan camp. "Not well," she replied softly. "Too many cats have died. It's hard on him." She didn't want to say more. Even though the medicine cat was Sootclaw's brother, she still felt like she would be violating her friend's trust if she divulged any more information. Their connection was personal, after all. Even beyond personal. "Are you going to go over and see him?" Dawnpaw added.

Kitetail frowned. "If I get an excuse. I'd like to, so here's hoping."

Dawnpaw nodded and then excused her from the conversation to head over to the fresh-kill pile. It was close to sun-high, and ThunderClan camp was coated in a bright light that sparkled off of the freshly fallen snow in and around the quarry. The snow was barely more than a dusting now, signalling leaf-bare's long-awaited end. This year's leaf-bare had been a time of loss for the Clan. There was an emptiness in the camp, spaces where Nettleclaw should have been, and other places where Larchstripe was instead. And Elmheart, he was gone too, and his absence smaller but just as painful.

She grabbed a small shrew and settled down with it beside the apprentice's den. Her amber eyes wandered around camp, observing the movement of cats coming in and out, performing their daily chores, their hunts, their patrols. There were holes where Nettleclaw and Elmheart should have been, but no hole where Dawnpaw was missing. The ginger apprentice felt outside of the Clan now, as if they had moved seamlessly to occupy her spot as soon as she had vanished. She was _different_. She had been to the Dark Forest, had her mind linked with a ShadowClan camp, had returned and foretold a terrible war. There was no way things could ever go back to normal. So Dawnpaw observed the cats around her and felt a terrible pain in her chest, a longing for the normalcy of her previous life, a pang that spoke of desire to belong and a dull ache telling her she could never achieve in.

Outside the nursery, Beechclaw played with his kits. The usually short-tempered warrior seemed happy and carefree as they leapt on him, Auburnfur watching with a smile from the nursery. Grasscloud and Cherrytail sat nearby, talking idly, while Limekit napped on his mother's tail. Grasscloud's belly was starting to show, and she radiated pride, a glow that became even brighter when Slatestar was around. Foxwhisker stood outside the nursery, stretching out his old limbs, his ginger fur tinged with grey. Further on, Owlfeather and Mousepaw padded down the sloped path into camp, their pelts brushing as they chatted on and on.

Also coming down the camp entrance was Thickfur. He spotted her immediately and padded over. "You're awake," he said gruffly, amber eyes eyeing her coolly. She longed to go back to their conversation by the lake, where they had been close to calling each other friends, where Thickfur had been so candid with his feelings, but the Twoleg beast had stolen their attention and now that moment seemed so far away.

"Good morning to you too," she said evenly.

He grunted, his eyes now looking into the space over her shoulder. "Let's go. We have a lot of exercises to do today to get you back into form."

With a sigh, Dawnpaw finished her shrew and rose to her paws. Silently, Thickfur led them to the trail and up and out of camp. The forest shone with the same bright, sparkling light as the camp. The air around them was warm and she caught the familiar scents of mouse and squirrel. The brittle remnants of snow crunched under her paws and above her rose the crowns of countless trees. A deep sense of belonging flooded her - even if her Clanmates didn't see it, this was her home.

Once they were well into the forest, Thickfur deigned to look back at her. "Are you alright?" he asked.

Dawnpaw frowned. "What do you mean?"

He paused and then: "You screamed. Earlier. After the monster fell."

 _Oh_. She felt her face warm with embarrassment. That whole sequence was a blur in her memory. The monster had fallen and pain had overtaken her, and then she had been running as fast as her paws would let her to join the ThunderClan patrol heading over, so desperate to see Sootclaw. Her mentor had followed, confused and worried. But she had barely given thought to Thickfur in that moment. She had been so wounded, so terrified, feeling all of Sootclaw's pain exploding inside her own head.

"I don't really remember," she said cautiously. "I felt Sootclaw's reaction and it amplified mine, and then I ran. That's - that's all."

His eyes narrowed. "You yelled Lilystream."

Dawnpaw shrugged. "Sootclaw must have liked her," she mewed, wishing desperately she could tell Thickfur the truth. He was one of the few cats she could fully trust, and lying to him crushed her, but she wouldn't betray Sootclaw's secret.

Thickfur grunted, and Dawnpaw took it as her cue to ask a question. She wanted to go back to the conversation they had shared by the lake before the crash, but Thickfur seemed very resistant to it. "Can I ask you something?" she mewed, and then went ahead and asked it anyway. "Kitetail said that when I was in a coma, you checked on me every day."

He looked straight ahead and dismissed her question with a flick of his tail. "I was worried. _You were in a coma_." Familiar scorn entered his voice and it was equal parts comforting and frustrating.

She took a deep breath. "He also said that when the snowstorm hit, you went back for me, and you stayed with me the whole night. To keep me safe."

Thickfur tensed. "Do you remember anything about that night? Did you notice, in the Dark Forest - did you hear anything?" His voice was guarded and Dawnpaw wondered what could have happened that he wanted to keep secret. Had he said something he didn't want her to know?

"I remember a night that felt very cold," she admitted. "But there was a warmth around me that stayed til morning. I - I thought it was Sootclaw somehow."

He grunted again, but softer this time, almost _hurt_. Dawnpaw frowned. Thickfur, hurt? Perhaps he just wanted everything he had done for her to be recognized, for her to see how much he had worried about her and tried to keep her safe. And maybe he was just shy about accepting gratitude. "I dreamt about you," she murmured, quieter now. "Shredtail said the Dark Forest would reveal our nightmares to us, and I saw you wounded, mutilated..."

"Shredtail?" Thickfur was quick to pick up on the name.

Dawnpaw realized she had never fully explained the details of her journey to anyone but Sootclaw. She didn't know how to fully express what had happened, the gratitude and respect she had for Shredtail, the pity and heartbreak she had held for Worm - or Darkstripe, rather. They said dying in the Dark Forest was worse than dying in real life, and Worm had suffered that, his soul disintegrating just to save hers.

"He helped me find my way through the Dark Forest and get back to ThunderClan," she replied. "He also showed me how to control the power StarClan gave me, to reach Sootclaw and tell him what was going on."

That earned another grunt from Thickfur, and it dawned on her that the grey warrior might be _jealous_. He fancied himself a great mentor, having stayed by her every day she had been in that coma, but Dawnpaw had found herself a new 'mentor' down in the Dark Forest. "Thickfur," she mewed, and then realized she didn't know what to say next.

For a brief moment, she wanted to use her power to press against his mind and read his thoughts, to finally understand what was going on in his brain, why he had changed back into this callous mentor after telling her that he could no longer see her as his apprentice.

"Come on," he said, effectively ending the conversation as they entered the training hollow, the soft sand lightly dusted with snow. "We have to do your exercises."

 _That was it_ , Dawnpaw thought sadly as she followed it. _My one chance to understand Thickfur and I missed it_.

 _Trust me, you're not missing much_ , replied Sootclaw absentmindedly.

But she wasn't so sure.

 **X**

A/N: Shorter chapter that covers Dawnpaw's reintroduction to Clan life. Like I said, I have a bunch of chapters written, but I've been bad at putting them up. Just started grad school (I started PotS back in high school isn't this crazy?). Thanks for the reviews, glad that you're excited about what's to come, and special thank you to Icegaze, who left me a really touching review (that sent me immediately to my computer to upload this chapter). I can't tell you how much your words meant to me and I wish you the best of luck in your own work.

As always, thanks for reading, and please review!

\- PV :)


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